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LOS ANGELES, April 1 — In a bold move to “engage civic participation and boost transparency,” the Los Angeles City Council voted unanimously today to convert City Hall into the world’s largest escape room.
Council President Marqueece Harris-Dawson announced the initiative with enthusiasm: “We figured, if we’re going to be trapped in budget negotiations, endless committee meetings, and public comment marathons, we might as well make it interactive!”
Mayor Karen Bass, however, was caught off guard. She had entered the council chamber early this morning with her usual latte and stack of memos—only to find the doors locked behind her and a booming voice on the intercom declaring, “You have 60 minutes to solve the city’s housing crisis and find the exit.”
Her only clues? A giant rubber stamp labeled “APPROVED,” a copy of Measure ULA, and a mysterious envelope marked “This will work better in theory.”
Chief of Police Jim McDonnell was seen shortly afterward trying to mediate between two councilmembers arguing over the correct interpretation of a riddle scrawled on a parking citation. "Look, I'm trained in de-escalation," he said, "but I didn’t go to the academy to decode cryptic haikus about zoning."
Councilmember Tracy Park was briefly declared the winner after discovering a secret passage behind a framed portrait of Tom Bradley, but her escape was disqualified when it was revealed she had used a consultant with a map.
Outside, City Hall staff gathered on the South Lawn to watch a livestream of the chaos, placing bets on who would escape first. A taco truck arrived. So did several performance artists.
Meanwhile, Metro announced that while City Hall was temporarily unavailable, it would launch a new “Escape Room Express” shuttle, which will arrive unpredictably and stop wherever it feels like.
By press time, Mayor Bass had solved the housing crisis—only to realize the final key to escape was held by the Budget and Finance Committee, which hadn’t met quorum since last Thursday.
Happy April Fools' Day, Los Angeles.
Let’s hope the real drama at City Hall stays this fun.
