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ERIC PREVEN’S NOTEBOOK - To Whom It May Concern at the City of Los Angeles,
On behalf of my clients, Mr. Billy (40) and Ms. Tina (59), we are submitting this formal notice of concern regarding their potential relocation and the increasingly absurd political theater in which they have unwillingly starred for decades.
While the Los Angeles Zoo invokes accreditation compliance and “best interest” language, and the Council dabbles in moral outrage between ribbon cuttings and ceremonial scrolls, our clients are left pacing, waiting, and aging. They are not props, they are pachyderms. And they are tired.
We respectfully demand that all relocation decisions be made transparently, not in hushed, closed sessions or behind GLAZA's donor wall. If Tulsa is the promised land, show your math. If sanctuary is viable, show some backbone.
Furthermore, given Council President Harris-Dawson’s near-total disinterest in this matter (and elephants generally), we urge the immediate appointment of Councilmember Bob “Babar” Blumenfield as Pachyderm Liaison Pro Tem. And in the spirit of ceremonial symmetry, we recommend Paul Koretz — longtime elephant handler, whisperer, and exploiter — replace Event Czar Krekorian, whose legacy is already overbooked.
Failure to meet these modest requests may result in legal action, prolonged trumpet solos, or symbolic defecation during the Council’s next photo op.
Yours Truly,
Billy and Tina's Counsel
“A Eulogy Disguised as a Budget: A 30-Day Report Back from the Abyss”
Thank you, Board of Supervisors. As we gut so much of what this board has built so poorly over the decades, we need to prioritize mental health support for the budget team
With respect, this isn’t a budget—it’s a eulogy.
A massive sum is paid out every year, yet the crisis just lies there, grave and disabled. And now we’re gutting public health, pretending this is strategy, when really, the consequences are making the decisions for us.
Caruso… seems to believe the private sector will save us. But they have already taken our film industry to Bulgaria. No offense—I love the consul. He’s terrific. Or she. But let’s not let the Studios get away with a quick branding amendment to a Phoenix rising up from the ashes with Snoop. Frankly, that’s Insulting… The so-called Studios have laid people off, and then you politicians volunteer the taxpayers who can barely pay the rent, or just lost EVERYTHING to fund studio tax breaks. That is not justice for all.
That’s studio accounting.
And when attorneys write the legacy, as I noted in my Tuesday LA Daily News Opinion, accountability becomes a memo no one can read. (If behind the paywall, feel free to reach out.) https://youtu.be/q566LiukdmM?si=-9FRCj7sjK6bixe3
When the public asks how much we’re spending, we’re told we’re out of order. When workers strike, we say we’re broke. But when the bill come due for silence? The check clears fast.
The county and the city are fiercely competitive for head to head public (in)attention.
Verbose, Verbatim, Verbotten
Smart Speaker: I note the item where you decided to cancel the May 20 meeting. I don't find that appropriate. I don't understand why we're continuing set matter 2 as well, that's the homelessness—Horvath's big plan to battle the city and win and everything. I don't know, I'm not happy about that. One thing about May, May is awareness month. Because we have got food insecurity, mental health, we're doing strokes, older Americans thank you, Asian-Americans, sea lions, and frankly, real estate practices. I wanted to bring to the board's attention that job order contracts, you have, don't get upset, $50 million handed over to ISD, subsequent to the quiet disappearance of the job running that place. The job order contracts were put into effect after World War II when nobody had any idea who to contract with and needed fair, simple rates.
Smart Speaker: Thank you, and I—this is a very interesting discussion, it is complicated, certainly. Know Your Rights is very important. And mental health treatments should be provided as needed. It is scary. A better approach than arranging for kids not to go to school where they get their food, feel safe, we should make it very clear that I thought the superintendent did a good job, he said, none of this is happening ever again. Everyone believes it. I believe it. I think you have to go there and make it true, make these places safe, there will not be that kinds of politics at school. If you can't protect against the federal government, we live in America, so what we have to do inside the law? This is a sanctuary city, and we protect our people. But we cannot take them out of school. If we learned one thing from the freaking pandemic, that destroys society. FYI.
Smart Speaker: Thank you, it's Eric Preven, Studio City. I appreciate this, it does hit close to home. Being Stroke Awareness Month, F.A.S.T. could be face, arms, speech, and a teeny bit of transparency. I remember that book, The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat—neurological problems are stressful, and things can trigger them. We can do things that might make it less stressful for Angelenos in the county, including not jamming in so many things into the agenda because that can create a pressurized situation. Also I remember flying back from the Olympics from France, and the pilot went to the back and uh-oh, someone was having trouble, they had to turn the plane around, people were frustrated, but came together in Iceland and they lowered the man over to the area where he's getting off the plane. His wife refused to go with him, which we thought was extremely nasty. We were all like, jeez, I mean—
Smart Speaker: Thank you. I have to agree that a concurrent kind of audit, but, of course, when you tease that up, that's a dashboard. And so I think we're getting a little tired of all these dashboards with no data. And I have to say if we're trying to deliver Care First, we have 300 million unspent dollars, it's painful. But how can we do it if Harrison can't get the County Counsel to provide the JCOD grant I've been asking for? They're trying to tease it out until June. If we could all put our hands on the deck and say Give me the spreadsheet of the grants and stuff, because that's called transparency. If we can't self-monitor by at least following the rules, we're in deep [expletive] to put it nicely. But I'm very supportive of these directives as long as they can be followed through on. We don't want to document the failure. We want to fix it. So I would say you're in over your head, just to be candid.
Smart Speaker: Thank you. I have some personal experience with this, because there's coastal activity in my daily life, and it has been horrifying lately; it is terrifying. There are several on a daily walk, none have been collected, and this is a nice area. I’m not clear what it means, but of I don't like the expression 'skin in the game,' that is offensive, and you all said it repeatedly. We should team up and not just the County to pay the burden… What about Gary Jones and the gushing fountain of money from the Marina lessees? It used to be Supervisor Hahn's problem, now it is Supervisor Mitchell's. Put that money to good use. But not sure how we are going to solve an offshore algae problem when we can’t trim our landslide trees… but I don't know. Also, signage about toxic coastal water is neither accurate nor Olympics-friendly; we don't want that for the top priority Olympics. That's terrible, that's not good optics. Let’s put Supervisor Horvath on the bow of this special committee to brand the mammal disaster and the Olympics properly, raising money for the mammals. That's clean and deeply moving. And absolutely, those bastards in Long Beach should cough up, as they got Mcosker’s Olympic sailing that he worked so hard to get… Where’s Seroka?
How Much for a Ticket? The 2025–26 Budget Games
The price tag for an Olympic ticket in 2028? Somewhere between $50 and $5,000, depending on your appetite for VIP viewing lounges and themed macaroons. The price for attending a Los Angeles budget hearing? Free, technically—but spiritually? You pay with your soul.
Last week, Angelenos were treated to a citywide performance piece called the Budget Hearings, a marathon of memos, metaphors, and public comment suppression masquerading as governance. There were seven budget hearings and three Council meetings. It felt less like oversight and more like a hostage situation with free PDFs.
Councilmember Yaroslavsky presided over most of the hearings with the poise of someone trying to grade a group project while her classmates set fire to the syllabus. The word "wonderful" was said seventeen times across two days. A department director could've walked in, said "we're cutting everything and replacing it with glitter," and someone would have clapped.
The memo count topped 300. The public was allotted two inconvenient one-minute windows: once in Van Nuys and once downtown. The city pulled a neat trick: by labeling everything Item One, they reduced the entire $13.9 billion civic experiment to sixty seconds of public input per speaker. Zev Yaroslavsky would be proud. Or confused. Or both.
Matt Hale—the Mayor's budget whisperer and a man who exudes confidence and spreadsheets—debuted as the City's newest consolidation czar. There were audible sighs from councilmembers' mothers. Zev was overheard saying, "This kid can bullshit with the best of them."
Smart Speaker: Zev, you once called Lee Baca the best sheriff in America—before he got indicted. Let's pace ourselves.
Departments showed up with earnest PowerPoint and desperate math. LAPD predicted a catastrophe if they lost 403 civilian positions. ITA warned that cutting 311 staff could extend wait times into the next geological era. Cultural Affairs requested enough money to keep planning the Cultural Olympiad, which so far appears to consist of Councilmember Hernandez screening Batman films as a preview of post-budget Los Angeles.
The shire of Malibu... near the Mobil station and (maybe) Richard Weintraub's hotel.
Smart Speaker: Gotham is generous. LA doesn't even have enough spay/neuter funding.
BOE floated a modest increase to crane permit fees. Councilmember Hernandez proposed raising it above $200.
Council response: Can’t developers just build shorter?
Smart Speaker: Sure, if it’s affordable housing. Otherwise, raise the fee until the crane gets repossessed.
Meanwhile, LAWA arrived to pitch something straight from the Twilight Zone: a sales force. To promote LAX. To tourists.
Smart Speaker: Nobody visits LAX on purpose. It’s not the destination. It’s the part you endure on your way to the destination.
LAWA suit: We're hurting. Canadian flights are down 70%.
Smart Speaker: And prostitution on Figueroa is up 100%. Maybe your sales team should pitch a walking tour.
Council cringes, pretends not to know where Figueroa is.
Smart Speaker: We have one. It’s called the City Council.
Clerk: Get him out of here.
Back in the arena, the Budget Games raged on. Every department got its moment in the spotlight, its own tragic event. Tree trimming has a 19-year cycle. ADA compliance is being tailored for Olympic visitors, not residents. Peace Over Violence is losing funding. Weed is taxed. Women get trafficked. But don't worry—LA is ready to welcome the world with cheerful banners.
The Office of Major Events quietly secured $2.6 million in the budget. This was on top of a mysterious $600,000. The terms of that deal between Krekorian and Mayor Bass? Unavailable. Transparency? Not a medal contender.
Smart Speaker: Maybe we could shoot Matt Hale out of a cannon at SoFi to raise funds. Co-sponsored by LAWA's new LAX sales team. Proceeds go to a special fund overseen by VICA windbag Stuart Waldman, an expert on parking prices at SoFi and beyond. He’ll use the funds to study how much is too much for 18 minutes in Lot G.
This should be faster than how Krekorian used to close public comment.
Disney is spinning the globe...
Even Disney, long thought to be a partner in LA's cultural heartbeat, announced its next big venture: a new theme park in Abu Dhabi. This came weeks after dozens of Disney employees lost homes in the Palisades slide. The industry has fled LA faster than the City Council can approve a ceremonial resolution.
Smart Speaker: Say what you want about Disney, but at least their castles come with fire exits. And roofs.
And now, after all this, a recess. Two weeks for the lobbyists to apply finishing touches. For final tweaks. For stakeholders to re-stake their claims.
When the Council returns, they will likely announce, triumphantly, that no civilian workers were laid off.
Mcosker lays down a heartfelt track... following a closed session.
So, how much for a ticket? To the Games? To justice? To speak at a hearing and be heard? Turns out, if you're a resident, you can't afford it.
But if you're a consultant, developer, or Olympic partner, the box office is open. Welcome to the 2025–26 Budget Games. May your memos be well-staffed, and your departments survive until closing ceremonies.
(Eric Preven is a Studio City-based TV writer-producer, award-winning journalist, and longtime community activist who won two landmark open government cases in California.)
