SAY WHAT? - In our own ongoing "national security Hindenburg," a fed-up FBI just explosively got down to it in their latest filing against the deranged old man who stole state secrets after committing many, many other crimes, brazenly stashed them in his moldy hotel because lookit all the tawdry stuff he already got away with, and then kept/still is lying about it. A review in case you've once again sought solace under your rock: After Trump blithely, illegally took home a stash of classified information, he and his hapless merry-go-round of "lawyers" stonewalled the FBI for 18 months as they tried to get it back; when they issued a subpoena, he tossed them a few in January but kept obfuscating; when the FBI, no longer fucking around, got a search warrant, they found 33 more boxes with over 100 records, or double what he'd begrudgingly given them; he's still fighting/lying/making up gonzo arguments to get them back. Prosecutors' latest 36-page earthquake of a filing came only because Trump, in one more desperate, stupid stall, had filed his own incoherent request for an entirely pointless "special master" to oversee the investigation, thus giving the feds a chance to lay out their most comprehensive, damning, whoah-go-get-him account yet.
"As an initial matter, the former President lacks standing to seek judicial relief or oversight as to Presidential records because those records do not belong to him," is the blistering opening by the feds. They go on to lay out a "detailed recitation of the relevant facts," noting many seek to "correct (Trump's) incomplete and inaccurate narrative," aka ever-shifting lies and dubious claims: Executive privilege! Magical de-classification! There's no more! I'm the Emperor! Besides they're mine and they're safe by the pool where we have weddings and only a few dozen people had a key anyway! Ultimately, somberly, painstakingly, the FBI uncoveredmultiple, egregious "efforts (that) were likely taken" to obstruct their investigation. And there are pictures!Harrowing enough, said one observer, to constitute "the very definition of treason." Strewn helpfully by the feds across the hideous carpet of his office - not in a storeroom as claimed - the documents bear cover sheets bigly, clearly marked Secret and Top secret with classification headings of "HCS-P/SI/TK." HCS-P = Intelligence product from sensitive human sources, SI = Special Intelligence (sensitive communications), TK = TALENT KEYHOLE, or intelligence from reconnaissance satellites. Awful Cheeto = guilty as sin.
Given a picture worth a thousand crimes, the right tried mightily if preposterously to spin the evidence: The FBI splayed it on the floor to make Trump look messy, they created those SECRET cover pages, they were just after those TIME magazines which we all know is silly. Meanwhile, the panicked grifter at the dark heart of the furor Just... Lost... It. Sustained by the God-and-Trump-and-country gibberish of his 17 fans on Truth Social, he embarked on a seething, raving, QAnon-fueled rage fest of posts, lies, whines and slurs, at one point hammering out 60 posts in an hour with his stubby little fingers - and frequently incriminating himself. How dare the FBI sloppily throw those obviously planted records on the floor pretending it was me to "release photographically for the world to see" but wait they said they wanted them secret so good thing I de-classified them and now give them back. Also "now it comes out conclusively" it was a fake election! 'Cause the FBI "BURIED THE HUNTER BIDEN LAPTOP STORY" and massive fraud and really fake witch hunt. "REMEDY: Declare the rightful winner or, and this would be the minimal solution," declare the 2020 election no good "and have a new Election, immediately!" Also, bring in the clowns! And a few Big Macs.
From the center of the storm there also arose one sorry, surreal, squealing query by a lifelong bully who, like most other bullies, can't take it like he gives it: "Why are people so mean?" At this, many on social media stopped to note, "This is a 100% real post from Donald Trump." You know, the guy with the Nazi dad that never hugged him who grew up to mock people with disabilities and threaten to beat up protesters and rip kids from their migrant parents if he couldn't shoot them in the legs and grift through a presidency and brag about grabbing women by the pussy and often do so without consequences and oh yeah try to overthrow democracy. "Not a parody," wrote George Conway. "Evidence of guilt, and of a highly disordered personality." "Trump asking why people are so mean is like the sun asking why things are so hot," said another, and "it must mean he's finally met his base." Many had excellent questions: "An adult man actually sent that out?...Why do we have to be nice but he doesn't?....Which stage of the 7 stages of ‘I got caught stealing classified info’ is this post?” There were also instructive answers. "You might want to sit down for this," suggested one. And, "It's you Donald, it's all you." We don't care what they get him for; just let the fucker rot.
(Abby Zimet has written CD's Further column since 2008. A longtime, award-winning journalist, involved in women's, labor, anti-war, social justice and refugee rights issues. Email: [email protected])