Dumpster Diving for SPAM Cans

1) Well, this figures doesn't it? After years of separating garbage into different containers it turns out much of the stuff all ends up in landfills anyway. Good old China is one big reason. About 1/3 of recycled items get shipped abroad with China being the biggest importer. This year China imposed strict new rules which ban most of it. One company in Oregon now sends all its recycling to landfills. So, the next time you toss an empty SPAM can in the wrong container, you won't need to "container dive" to retrieve it. Just leave it where it is. "They" will.

2) The Miss American Beauty Pageant is eliminating "Beauty and Pageant."
In the future it will be called "A Competition." No swimsuits and evening gowns are optional. Instead the contestants.....ah..... "participants" will converse with judges highlighting their achievements and goals. The upside of this approach is at least it might curtail the idiotic questions the judges asked and often equally idiotic answers. Judge: "Miss New Jersey: "As Miss America what would you do to stop hatred in the world?" Miss New Jersey: "I would have everybody listen to the song, "Get Together."

3) Researchers are telling us that animals from elephants to frogs converse. The low rumblings of elephants, the whistles of dolphins to the soft chirps of the naked mole rats are conversations. At this point they can't tell us what they are actually saying. I wonder if one naked mole rat might be telling his friend, "Hey, if you plan on going to the mall with me, put something on."

4) In the future days might be 25 hours long. According to the National Academy Of Sciences, the moon is moving away from Earth at a rate of 3.82 cm per year. Having never bothered to learn the metric system I'm pretty sure that isn't very much. At that rate it will take 200 million years to get to a 25 hour day. Until then, we will have to continue to use daylight savings time to get that extra hour.

5) Drinks are on the house "forever" for the patron who was allegedly accidentally shot in the leg by a dancing FBI agent. Allegedly shot?  He had an alleged bullet in his allegedleg? The gun ended up on the dance floor after it fell out of the back waistband of the off duty FBI agent.
He was doing a back flip. When he tried to pick the gun up, it accidentally went off hitting the dancer. Is there a risk, for Mile High Spirits Distillery, if this guy develops a drinking problem he will blame all them and all the free drinks? 

  (Tom Murphy is a writer, humorist, actor, disc jockey and an occasional contributor to CityWatch. He lives in Los Angeles.)