THE BOSTICK REPORT-Dear Friend … I’m now writing to you under extreme duress.
Just before dawn this morning, a nondescript, windowless van pulled into my neighborhood. My family and I were sleeping in a progressive Democrat blanket of false security when they kicked in the front door.
It was John Boehner and his dirt bag Koch Brother pals.
They’re holding us captive in my house and have promised to do awful things to LA’s progressive community unless we find 15 people in the 90272 zip code to contribute just $2 each, triple matched by the President.
Boehner’s been chain smoking, ranting for the past two hours about how we should close the DMV. Says the NRA can process driver’s licenses better…
They’re talking about rerouting the Keystone XL to LA so they can level the Getty Villa to build a fracking industrial complex.
Only you can stop them. Contribute here:
Who knows what they’ll do if you don’t answer the call of this email? I can imagine a thousand horrific scenarios where the very fabric of our existence is imperiled you FAILING to give us just $5, in 4 easily installments, taken directly from your credit card. Here’s one.
Imagine the evil conservative Republicans winning the Senate. Now picture everything you hold dear to your heart. Gone. Your favorite yoga studio instantaneously explodes, an IHOP forming as the dust settles.
All across America, they’ll start pumping out the new national soundtrack. Ted Nugent, Dee Snyder, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Toby Keith, and Gloria Estefan on a tight rotation at all times.
{module [862]}
{module [662]}
There will be strict clothing restrictions with strong leanings toward denim and khaki, mostly together. Hair cuts will be unisex, short in the front, long in the back.
You get the idea.
I should get off the computer while I still can without getting noticed.
Oh no … one of the Koch brothers (photo) is wearing some kind of evil monopoly guy monocle and they're all reciting Nixon's concession speech in Pig Latin ... I’m scared.
Please give us money to make it stop. Everything you love in this world is over if we fail. HELP. US. MEET. OUR. GOAL.
Odysseus Bostick
Department of Fundraising Email Threats
PS – You’re a monster if you don’t.
(Odysseus Bostick is a Los Angeles teacher and former candidate for the Los Angeles City Council. He writes The Bostick Report for CityWatch.)
-cw
CityWatch
Vol 12 Issue 77
Pub: Sep 23, 2014
