1) Here we go again. Richard Lebow, a professor, found himself in an elevator with another professor, Simona Sharoni. She asked him what floor he needed and he said, "ladies' lingerie." Immediately, the alarm on her Misogyny Dector went off and she filed a complaint. He claimed it was just a stupid joke, he didn't intend to offend but her complaint was rather frivolous. Second mistake. Now Lebow is being threatened with disciplinary procedures. Considering this story, a quote from Matt Groening, the creator of the Simpsons, is right on target: "It's a time in our culture where people love to pretend they're offended."
2) A New Jersey mom went to her daughter's school and complained about her daughter not making the cheerleading squad. You've probably figured what is coming next. About 60 seconds later EVERYBODY makes the squad. Now if a parent's child doesn't make the team, complain, and EVERYBODYmakes the team. The result: A mediocre cheerleading squad cheers for a mediocre team and nobody wins.
3) Spanish car giant, SEAT, uses around 2000 dancing robots to build each of its cars. The robots are linked together and "dance" to classical music. It is now rumored that SEAT has decided to be more contemporary with its dancing robots. They have hired the choreographer from "Hamilton" to come to the factory and teach the robots how to really dance.
4) A Franklin Indiana man has been charged with "operating" while intoxicated. The charge sounds like it refers to a doctor who shouldn't have been "operating" on anybody. It turns out that Barry Ridge was "operating" a lawn mower. He drove onto a neighbor's lawn and was mowing their grass before heading on down the road where he was stopped and the "operating" charge actually was a MUI, Mowing Under the Influence. The neighbor says that Barry did such a good job on their lawn, when he gets out they'd like to hire him.
5) The Center For Research and Take-Out has come up with several, what they call, "5 Percents." There is less than a 5% chance knocking on wood will work Apologies are only sincere 5% of the time. Politicians only tell the truth 5% of the time. And finally, although it can't be proved, it's likely the chances are only 5% "He is in a better place now."
(Tom Murphy is a writer, humorist, actor, disc jockey and an occasional contributor to CityWatch. He lives in Los Angeles.)